To be consistent or inconsistent, that is the question. While Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer have carved up 26 of the last 27 men's grand slam titles between them, predicting what will happen in women's tennis has become almost as perilous a task as guessing what Mario Balotelli will do next.
Some might say it's good for the game. After all, if you knew how every match was going to play out, what would be the point in watching? The capacity for surprise is one of the reasons we follow sport. Who would deny Francesca Schiavone her wonderfully unexpected French Open win in 2010, or Sam Stosur her shock victory in the eye of a Serena Williams storm in last year's US Open final?
Except there's an overriding feeling the women's game has lost a little credibility in its unpredictability, and that it desperately needs a player to step up to the plate. Two or three would be even better. There's nothing that captivates us more than a great sporting rivalry, and tennis has had its fair share over the years, whether it be Borg v McEnroe, Federer v Nadal, Navratilova v Evert, or Graf v Seles.
But for now, that will have to wait. Today, the run of four different women's champions in the last four grand slams will be stretched to five. OK, Maria Sharapova is a three-times major winner, but her last victory came four long years ago in Australia, before shoulder surgery made her question whether she would ever hit a ball in anger again. Someone with lesser spirit and determination might not have done.
For Victoria Azarenka, this is her first major final. The 22-year-old Belarussian announced herself to the game in 2009 by winning in Miami, a tournament often called "the fifth grand slam". But her progress since has been slower than expected and she even briefly considered quitting last year. Hopefully it had nothing to do with this.
I hope you've got your ear plugs close at hand for this one. Personally I think there's far too much focus on shrieking/grunting in the women's game, but that hasn't stopped me from including a nice little graphic for you at the top of this page. Michelle Larcher de Brito excluded, these two can pierce the eardrums like no others.
Stat attack There's nothing between these two on paper. They've met six times before, winning three apiece. Azarenka has prevailed the last two times they've played each other on a hard court, but doing it on the biggest stage against one of the gutsiest competitors in the game is an altogether different proposition.
There's also the added pressure of the world No1 ranking as a prize: whoever wins today will take Caroline Wozniacki out of the firing line by replacing the grand slam-less Dane at the top of the rankings.
Azarenka has probably been hitting the ball and serving better than Sharapova during the tournament so far, but the Russian's experience could prove telling. That said, it didn't in last year's Wimbledon final against Petra Kvitova.
Sharapova and Azarenka are in the bowels of the Rod Laver arena winding their way on to court. Surprisingly there are no pre-match interviews, so the players strut straight out.
Thump, thump, thumpity thump, they're warming up. Sharapova is wearing a white dress with a radioactive green trim that is the same colour as her visor. Azarenka's headband is the exact same shade, but she opts for a long-sleeved blue top and white shorts. Not even a screech to speak of so far.
Sharapova won the toss, by the way, and has elected to receive.
First set: *Sharapova 1-0 Azarenka (denotes next server)
A cheap first point, as Azarenka tamely nets. Then it's Sharapova's turn to throw in an error, as she goes a foot or so long with a cross-court forehand. Signs of nerves as Azarenka double faults to slip 15-30 down. She takes a deep breath and rolls back her shoulders, but another double at 30-30 and it's break point to Sharapova. Azarenka wallops away a forehand winner to avert the danger, but not for long. Sharapova carves out another break point and this time Azarenka goes wide. A mixed bag that opening game.
First set: Sharapova 2-0 Azarenka*
At 15-0, the best point of the match so far - and the longest rally so far - which Sharapova eventually wins with a deep, punishing stroke to Azarenka's backhand wing. The Belarussian can only prod the ball back into the tramlines. Sharapova moves 40-0 up, then throws in her first double of the day, before holding to 15. A smattering of applause from the crowd, but to be honest, it's not completely full at the moment. There are a few rows of empty seats at the back. Not good for a grand slam final.
First set: *Sharapova 2-1 Azarenka
Azarenka's ball toss is all over the place at the moment and a third double gives Sharapova the initiative at 0-30. Azarenka digs deep and reels off the next three points to forge 40-30 ahead. And she gets her name on the board with a darting forehand winner down the line. Even though it's 8pm it's a balmy 29 degrees in Melbourne and sunny. The picture out my window in King's Cross meanwhile? Two degrees and cloudy.
First set: Sharapova 2-2 Azarenka*
Azarenka has got her eye in now, she has. 0-15, 0-30, 0-40 and it's three break points. A loose backhand from Sharapova and she needs just the one. Sharapova appeals to Hawk-Eye but the call stands.
First set: *Sharapova 2-3 Azarenka
Azarenka is cranking up the pressure and a drive volley on the backhand wing puts her 30-0 up. Seemingly aggrieved, Sharapova gives back as good as she gets on the next point, slamming a backhand winner. Undettered, Azarenka rattles off the next two points to take her third game on the spin. "COME ON," she cries. A fantastic recovery after a nervous start.
First set: Sharapova 3-3 Azarenka*
Both these players love to duke it out from the back of the court with their powerful ground strokes, and these two are starting to bash the balls around with some real intent. Deuce. Advantage Sharapova. Deuce. Advantage Sharapova. And Sharapova holds with the first ace of the match and the quickest serve of the match so far. The camera pans to the great Rod Laver, who's back for more even after the five-hour marathon Andy Murray and Novak Djokovic served up yesterday.
First set: *Sharapova 3-4 Azarenka
They're right into this match now, they are. At 15-0, a punishing cross-court backhand from Azarenka draws the error. Cue a fist pump and another "COME ON", which to be fair, is probably louder than any shrieks or wails we've heard so far. Sharapova comes back with interest, crunching a forehand drive volley into the open court. Azarenka eventually holds to 30, finishing things off with a lovely change in tact, drawing Sharapova in before leaving her stranded with an inch-perfect lob. Anyone out there? Or are you all reading Mr Lutz's over-by-over? Bah.
First set: Sharapova 3-5 Azarenka*
A wonderful point at 15-15, which Sharapova finishes off when she wrong-foots Azarenka and drives a backhand winner down the line. Sharapova should close the game out from 40-15, but loses focus on her serve and Azarenka forges her way to advantage. Break point. Sharapova bludgeons a cross-court forehand winner, but can't repeat the trick when Azarenka brings up another break point. That's five of the last six games now for the Belarussian and she will serve for the opening set. Her greater variety and ability to finish the points by coming into the net is the difference at the moment.
Azarenka wins the first set 6-3
Azarenka moves 40-15 up with the minimum of fuss, and strides purposefully back to the baseline with the knowledge she has two set points. Just the one will do as Sharapova nets. The set is Azarenka's after 47 minutes. She's halfway to her first grand slam title and the world No1 ranking. Will her nerve hold?
And an email! From Seamus Whitehead: "Hello, I'm alive and kicking - keeping an eye on the rival OBO but following the tennis really - one thing though, how many of the ladies have quite scary looking coaches?! Is it a pre-requisite?" Considering some of the intimidating characters we've had in women's tennis in the past, such as Mr Pierce, Mr Capriati and Mr Dokic, I'd say probably yes. Though no glare can surely be as scary as Sharapova's herself.
Second set: Sharapova 3-6, 0-1 Azarenka*
Sharapova is going for broke now. She knows Azarenka is the better mover, volleyer and has the more variety, and she's trying to batter the poor life out of the tennis balls to counter it. It doesn't some off, and Azarenka breaks with a delightful cross-court winner with Sharapova stranded at the net.
"Azarenka, down 0-2, wins 6/7 games to take the set," says Sports Illustrated's Jon Wertheim on Twitter. "A key to match was how well she'd handle occasion. So far, so good. and i might be in the minority but soundtrack not really detracting from enjoyment." Very true.
Second set: *Sharapova 3-6, 0-2 Azarenka
One thing Sharapova does have though is fight, probably like no other in the game, bar Serena Williams. She's a difficult player to love at times, but she's easy to respect. The Russian carves out a break point at 30-40, but nets. Azarenka takes the next two points to hold. Could be a big moment that. That's eight of the last nine games now.
Second set: Sharapova 3-6, 0-3 Azarenka*
That notorious Sharapova mettle is not enough. She slips to 15-40 down in the blink of an eye and it's two break points. She goes wide and it's a double break to Azarenka. What a cushion to have when you're attempting to win your first grand slam title. Make that nine of the last 10.
Second set: *Sharapova 3-6, 0-4 Azarenka
That scary coach Seamus mentioned earlier is urging Sharapova to step in a foot or two to counter the Azarenka onslaught, but it's to no avail. She's struggling to control and ball and looks all at sea. She does hit a return winner at 40-15 down, but on the next point Azarenka moves Sharapova left and right and left and right and left and right and Sharapova nets. A vital service game coming up for Sharapova.
Second set: Sharapova 3-6, 0-5 Azarenka*
The luck isn't with Sharapova either. At 0-15, she nails a winner, but it's called out. It's overruled on Hawk-Eye, but they'll replay the point. Sharapova keeps her focus to take it. 15-all. More controversy on the next point as this time Azarenka is on the wrong end of a bad call. Another replayed point. Justice is again done. 15-30. Sharapova tries to dictate the next point but Azarenka's consistency from the back of the court is brutal and Sharapova nets. 15-40, two break points. Sharapova saves one but not the other and Azarenka will serve for the title. What a shellacking for Sharapova. "Beatdown city," parps Patrick McEnroe on Twitter.
Azarenka wins the Australian Open title 6-3, 6-0
Azarenka's arm probably feels like it weighs about 100kg right now but you wouldn't know it as she takes the first piont. There's still some fight in Sharapova as she darts a forehand winner down the line but surely it's too little, too late. The fire alarm then goes off at Guardian Towers which I have to say is more distracting than the sounds these two have emitted during the course of this match. Sharapova buries another winner, before Azarenka does the same with interest, 30-30. A lucky net cord for Sharapova and it's 30-40, break point. She doesn't take it and from deuce it becomes advantage Azarenka, championship point. Sharapova nets after a lengthy exchange. Azarenka sinks to her knees. Gone is her usual my-finger-is-a-gun post-match celebration, instead she puts head in her hands in disbelief. Exceptional tennis from the Belarussian in her first slam final. And not only has she now stepped up to the major winners' circle, she's also the new world No1. Not bad for day's work (or 82 minutes, to be exact). Sharapova, meanwhile, slumps into her chair and understandably looks rather stunned.
Presentation time. Martina Hingis, the Australian Open champion between 1997 and 1999, is here to present the trophy. But first there's the pre-requisite speeches from tournament suits.
Sharapova then trudges up to collect her runners-up prize. Somehow she always seems more gracious when she loses than when she wins, and this time is no different as she says to Azarenka: "It was an honour to play against you. You have deserved this trophy, cherish it for as long as you can. As in any sport you have your good days, tough days and days when things just don't work out. Today Victoria was just better."
Then it's Azarenka's turn. After getting her hands on the trophy she seems lost for words. She thanks Sharapova for her speech, then it's her team, her family, the sponsors, the volunteers, the drivers (who apparently she's been feeding doughnuts to all fortnight), the physios, the ball kids and just about every man and his dog.
It's time for me to take my leave, but here's Simon Cambers's match report and also a stat to finish with: it's the first time in tennis history all four grand slams are held by four different women who are all first-time winners.
Could Azarenka now be about to bring some consistency to the game? She's got a good chance, if todays' performance is anything to go by. Her and Kvitova certainly look like the most likely contenders.
But for now, if it's consistency you crave, please join me tomorrow for the latest instalment of Nadal v Djokovic. It should be a cracker. Thanks for reading. Bye.