How Rajinikanth will celebrate V-Day

Valentine's Day is too close for comfort. Couples everywhere are on their best behaviour and tightest budgets, and singles are trying to act as if Feb 14 doesn't matter (while trying their hardest to not be single on the day). Doubtless, some groups in our country are getting ready to crack down on some innocent couples with their lathis. It's all business as usual, except for one Man.

Here's a sneak peek into how Rajinikanth celebrates Valentine's Day, in the hope that it will inspire us all to greater acts of romantic love.

1. He spends a few hours opening gifts: This might seem like a lot of time, but we must remember that Rajinikanth receives 7 billion gifts on Valentine's Day. Everyone in the world loves Him, regardless of gender, race, age or sexual orientation. Luckily, he can open 1 billion gifts per hour. While doing other things.

2. Cupid wears clothes when around Rajinikanth: Since it's disrespectful to be naked around Him, even the world's favourite chubby baby puts on some clothes. And stops being invisible, that could be interpreted as creepy, stalker-like behaviour by Rajini. And you don't know what He would do to a stalker.

3. He makes heart shapes turn into R shapes: The shape commonly in use to depict the human heart has been around for longer than a century. Some might think it has become the universal symbol for a heart. Well, except when Rajinikanth is around. Near him, every heart shape twists itself into an R shape, and stays that way till he's gone. Mind it!

4. He gets a letter: From St. Valentine in Heaven, thanking Rajinikanth for being gracious enough to allow Feb 14 to be called Valentine’s Day, even though everyone knows that every day is Valentine’s Day.

5. God calls: And says, Rajinikanth, I love you. No one knows what Rajinikanth says back.

6. He commits no crime against physics: After all, Valentine’s is a day of love, one day which celebrates togetherness and affection. So, on this one day, Rajini Sir does nothing that would make Newton and Einstein turn in their graves. Not one thing.

7. He is able to select a gift for his wife: Without having to agonize for days over whether it’s suitable, whether it costs too much, whether it’s better than last year’s gift, whether she’ll like it, whether… He just chooses, and it’s right.

8. He never goes over budget: Unlike most of the rest of the world, Rajinikanth never spends the month post February 14 in a perpetual state of having to borrow from other people.